There are many religions in Liverpool, but the most passionate one is probably football!! This song is a comically sideways look at the divide between the Red and the Blue.

She had a face like she played duck apple in a chip pan
She had a smile like a lizard in terrible pain
And when it came to her hair
Worzel Gummidge would look down on her
But he really loved her all the same

She had a stare reminiscent of a serial killer
She looked like a sack of spuds in her little black dress
And her conversation skills
Would make you reach for headache pills
But he really loved her nonetheless

But he lost all temptation
When she said her inclination
Was firmly with the boys from Goodison Park
What was he to say?
He knew they'd never last past Derby day
This love was doomed right from the start

So they loved right through the summer
Through the flowers and the sun
Their love affair was over once the football season begun

He had teeth like they were robbed from the local graveyard
He had a voice monotonous as a drill
And his breath was so impure
That no amount of mints could cure
But she really loved him even still

But she lost all emotion
When he said that his devotion
Was firmly with the team built up by Shanks
What was she to do?
He was Red and she was Blue
This love affair never stood a chance

So they loved right through the summer
Through the flowers and the sun
Their love affair was over once the football season begun